Most teenagers today are dating and have boyfriends/girlfriends. The earliness in going steady often ends up in unplanned marriages. In past generations, a great majority of young teenagers with ambitions were satisfied for a couple of years to be in love minus the frequent dating; and when they were allowed occasional encounters, they did so only under a tight guarding by their so-called chaperone. They did not become heavily involved until their late teens.

The new generation is different. Young lovers of today are hasty and impulsive in making choices. They seem not to know how to determine the distinction between sexual love and love coupled with responsibility, the former being essentially physical in nature. And when thirteen-, fourteen-or fifteen-year-olds go on regular dates in which they can have no one but themselves, the temptation to fill the gaps in the conversation with exploratory, physical sexuality heightens.

Joining the Bandwagon

When schoolmates see their friends going steady, the tendency is for them to do likewise, in order to be “in.” Having a steady boyfriend to take her to parties, to be a companion in seeing movies–provides a girl with a feeling of security. It makes her look proud and will not be embarrassed to be stranded to be stranded in public. Someone is with her, and that someone gives her the thrill. This kind of social advantage makes the girl think that she has charm. It will make her feel elated. The regular companionship, however, is the beginning of physical intimacy.

One Thing Leads To Another

While girls may profess love for their boyfriends, it is obvious that theirs is only the so-called “puppy love.” The feeling of love for their boyfriend may be intense, but usually, the emotion proves to be not based on mutual knowledge and affection but on the physical facade of the other person and fantasies about what he is really like. The one who is infatuated often has no idea whether the other one will reciprocate, whether they have common interests, whether they can mean anything to each other and give anything to each other.

That is precisely the reason why so many young lovers blaze brightly and then burn out in a few months, sometimes even for weeks only.

The absence of a solid foundation for such a relationship may consequently wreck a love that holds a lot of promise to grow stronger, if only nurtured, and the partners are mature enough.

As early as the initial infatuation, physical intimacy already begins to develop.

The consequence of physical intimacy without any real love is disaster for both. Illegitimate pregnancies as a result of early dating are prevalent even during this time that contraception is within reach. In one case, the young lovers say it was because “one thing led to another,” without they having planned it that way or taken any precautions. They may firmly decide that it is a mistake and will never do it again. Yet as we can see today, they do succumb repeatedly. Young lovers are evidently immature. A mature person with a sense of responsibility will never risk her ambitions in which her future depends. A mature person can manage to control her feeling, can apprise herself and say, “Stop”‘ when she is about to plunge.

Girls who allow themselves to be easily involved in a serious affair which is greatly physical and then get careless and become pregnant are individuals who simply don’t think much of themselves and don’t expect others to think much of them either. A girl with self-respect will weigh a thousand times the situation before she throws herself to someone. She would think deeply on whether what she’s up to will threaten her whole future.

A Life in Shame

Nowadays that most parents are liberal, tolerant and permissive, illegitimate pregnancy may not be such a big deal. Of course, there will be a lot of hysterics and furor in the whole house, but after the secret is out, neighbors and relatives will understand, albeit the unending rumors, suspicion and disapproval of what had happened. The boy and the girl will feel ashamed of what they did because they will lose the respect of their classmates and friends. They will also lose a lot of their self-respect. They’ll blame one another. They’ll become cynical and cynicism can interfere very seriously with their future life together.

Scheduling Pleasure

There is no substitute for a well-planned marriage. The process of “scheduling pleasure” to be able to reap better fruits is a sure sign of decency, maturity and responsibility. For is it not that there is a right way to do the right thing at the right time for the right reason?

But then again there is nothing wrong per se with a hurried love (after all, age doesn’t matter in this arena)–if, and only if, two people, although immature in the beginning because they are neophytes to the “real world,” can learn to be mature and polish their behavior. Acceptance of their responsibility as a young couple is the first step. The second is to let their love grow and think of ways to make it stronger. While it seems too bad to begin a marriage and a baby’s life amidst raised eyebrows of disapproving neighbors and relatives, it is much worse to compound the problem by running away from responsibility.

What they can do is accept the mistake of the past and consider it a lesson learned to make them better persons. After all, the error of the past is the wisdom of the future.