The sequence had become all-too-familiar for 25-year old Kate. She and her boyfriend Matt would be enjoying themselves at a party when, inevitably an unwelcomed guest would ruin the evening. The culprit? The green-eyed monster called jealousy.

Jealousy can eat up a relationship to nothing. So here are 5 ways to control it.

1. Talk to your partner about your feelings. Often, especially early in a relationship, you will find that you and your partner just need to get on the same footing about what you expect from each other. This is exactly what Kate found out when she was finally being able to talk with Matt. She realized that she was just wasn’t used to dating someone who is so outgoing and popular. She was used to being the outgoing one in the relationship. Now that Matt knows how she feels, he makes a point of being more attentive to her at parties.
2. Try to understand the source of your jealousy. If your father cheated on your mother, if your ex cheated on you or you are insecure about your looks, own up to whatever your issue is and work at coming to terms with it. You are not doomed to repeat your past if you work hard to understand why and how something came to be. Also, you are much more likely to lose a man because of your insecurity rather than another woman’s beauty. If you are having problems with any of these issues, you may want to know that it is possible for you to get a grip on your feelings. If nothing works, you may want to see a therapist.
3. Give your man a chance to set the situation right. If you are out and you see a woman flirting with your partner, it is normal to feel uneasy and to want to let her know that he is unavailable. Ideally, however, you should trust your mate enough to let him handle the situation. But if you must intervene, it’s usually enough to take him a drink, or walk over, touch his shoulder and ask him how he is enjoying the party (ask this sincerely, not sarcastically). Then smile and walk way towards another group of people.
4. Write down what precipitated your feelings of jealousy. Like Kate, you may find that your feelings follow a specific pattern. If your feelings of jealousy only manifest when he is hanging out with his buddies, you may be able to figure out a way to defuse your feelings. Maybe your mate will agree to call you once on his night out, or he’ll tell you far enough in advances so that you can make plans of your own.
5. Get a life. It can’t be said often enough that a woman with many interests is an interesting woman. If you are busy with your own friends and projects, you won’t have time to obsess with whom and how he is spending his time. Besides, you will feel much better yourself and what you are bringing to a relationship.

A healthy relationship exists only when you stop wanting a better one. It is the condition of savoring what is, rather than longing for what might be. There is a point when you have to say, “Enough! What I have will do, what I make of it, what I make of love, is up to me.”